Written by: Dann Alexander

The night has arrived. You scored yourself a date with a vampire—and not just any vampire, but THE vampire.  He is the perfect object for your affections and the type who has acted as the motivation behind all of your masturbatory fantasies.

Your clothes are picked out, hair “vamped” up to a level screaming insatiable sexuality, and while action is not necessarily guaranteed, it is promising.  Before you even think about grabbing that door to join the evening air for a night crawl, there is something you must do; check your pearly whites before you take on the pearly night.

Vampire fangs are nothing short of remarkable masterpieces worthy of prominent display in a museum of dentistry.  With such a perfect pair of fangs readily available, your vampire date may be looking at how terrific a smile you have before he even thinks about uttering a word your way or having a glance at the leg showing below your short skirt.

Before taking the night hostage with your prospective vampire lover, spend time working on ensuring your teeth are blindingly shiny and looking new.  It’s easy—all you must do is rinse your oral cavity vigorously with a 10:1 ratio of peroxide and water, though some dentists have encouraged patients to rinse only with peroxide.* 

You may even consider taking the necessary steps of purchasing stronger toothpaste and keeping it on hand if you are trying to land that vampire mate with hopes of permanent romance.  And if that is the case, you are completely justified in phoning your dentist’s office and asking them which concoction will bring out the best in your smile.  After all, in order to land your vampire you’re willing to go to any length for the right appearance advice, correct?

*Caution – Diluting the solution with excessive water may dilute the whitening effect of the homemade dental enhancing potion.

 

New Glasgow, Nova Scotia born Dann Alexander is a freelance writer, editor, social media nerd and once in a while bass player.  He has written web content for clients on a variety of topics while still actively pursuing freelance opportunities in different realms. When away from writing, Dann spends time reading, spinning his record collection and laughing at comedies he has seen a million time.  Most often, he prefers to spend time in the company of his tremendously supportive wife Cheryl and their two dogs and three cats.